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I resisted thinking that I might have been “the black sheep” because to me it was an admission of the rejection that I had always felt; rejection that I was terrified to acknowledge.I tried for most of my young years to comply but even that didn’t keep me safe and the feeling that I was “not loved” was always lingering close by.Being defined that way created a default mode where I was always examining ME and not “them” which served a great purpose for abusers and controllers.Publically, these things were said to discredit me. Why do those foundations get laid in by the controllers in the first place. I was defined as moody and sullen, which may have been true, but why was I moody and sullen?The ways that children are disregarded are so typical in fact that it’s hard to believe there isn’t a script being followed by these manipulative and abusive family members.And the mystery behind why we are so surprised to find so many others who feel the way we have felt is explained by the way we are so successfully groomed to accept and keep the family secrets, “respect” our parents and all their decisions and behaviours as “right” and not question or discover that there could be an explanation for our depressions, low self esteem and other mental health issues.

Your identity is safe unless you reveal it yourself in the comment form.Not “fitting in” with the family usually means not being accepted by the family for going against the family rules, questioning certain practices or simply for being an individual.(note: sometimes “not fitting in” is simply the feeling of not being as “good” or as valuable as other siblings or other family members.) I am not sure if I am now or ever was regarded as the black sheep in my family, but I certainly didn’t feel like I fit in there even before I stood up and publically rebelled against the total family dysfunction I grew up with.The Emerging from Broken book is ready for download!If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you, get this book today!

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